Passing personal comments are a total no, no as far as I am concerned..... they should not be encouraged at all costs....
I have a close friend who passes personal comments like--- “You have a huge upper body that does not match the lower....... you have a protruding stomach....you need to work more at it!" "You have not lost an inch , even after heavy workouts”---- ...and hundreds of other irritating comments...like---”Need to work on your Hindi dear, it is not good like so and so....you do not cook good food like, so and so..... you are lazy, you sleep too much in the afternoons, not like so and so, who is busy running around in the house” When I pointed out to her that she was too personal in her comments, She retaliated saying - "I need to be as I am a close friend!!!"
I realized that not only a friend, a parent can also pass derogatory comments making it painful for the child involved.
I find one mother of two in my locality perennially comparing her two kids. If that was not irritating enough, I found that she has the bad habit of passing comments on her five year old daughter in front of others.....like -"She is a show of !!?” To the kid----”Do you think, you are very over smart?......... why do you act like a snob?..... why do you talk like that? .........Are you mad ,come here show of?........ what do you think you are doing?”
Close relatives, friends or for that matter personal comments of parents can be irritating to start with, derogatory and detrimental to a person's psyche.....for a long time to come...If you agree and have come across such instances in your own life ..... please ....share ...on this site!
Most people complain about relationship problems. Why some work and some don’t?!!!! The truth is most are not aware that - like all things in life, relationships cannot be taken for granted...wether it is between parents and children,....siblings or friends . Simply because , relationships are the most special; fragile entities , governed by certain universal rules.....When two individuals get into a relationship, they have inadvertently decided on a pact..... that needs to be as alive and breathing like the people themselves! Having said that a major question I end up asking and answering often ...... is, why irrespective of the hard work, sometimes a relationship fails... . After walking this earth for almost four decades , living in a marriage as long as I can remember, rearing children, making it work with friends and relatives on a day to day basis, life has taught me valuable lessons.....about people and to look for gaps ......... ( Like reading between the lines for hidden meanings ) and darlings .... unconditional love does not always work even with the closest and one needs to be brutally practical at times! Over the years, I have developed , my own rules to judge a RELATIONSHIP by......
Communication.........It is 'the basis' to a great relationship.Now for the gaps- Are you able to communicate properly?...... are you able to get that kind of emotional respite or response .... or it ends in fights and misunderstandings? Are you able to unburden yourself with a person? If the above is not happening....the relationship is either not right for you ....or it could be one sided ........besides too much or too little communication can also create a rift between people. Understanding ---A fair amount of understanding is essential for a good relationship. The Gap------Empathy and ability to put yourself in other persons position and vice- versa is 'the soul' to a relationship to thrive on. Reciprocation.....Most of the married couples feel that their partners fall short in reciprocating their feelings. The result is , they end up feeling unloved.The Gap-----If a parner feels that he/she is constanly giving more-emotionally, physically or intellectually ..without being recognized by the other...then surely, the marriage is heading towards murky waters ........... selfishness can break the best of hearts! Belief----- the most important parameter to a relationship is, belief....The Gap---- lack of belief in the person involved and the ability to dream along .......takes one to a long lasting relationship. Time...spent together is the time gained together.The Gap----- Familiarity can breed contempt ..... but if quality time not spent with a friend, relative or a partner can ruin an otherwise enriching relationship. Lack of judgement....A good relation is the one that lacks judgement! The Gap----An observation is clearly different from a judgement! An observation is positive while a judgement is negative! Happiness........ is one of the most important parameters to a good..relationship. It is about feeling happy, fulfilled...or complete....... The Gap----If a relationship is draining your happiness , sapping your energy and making you miserable .....it is possible that it lacks some of the above discussed or it is one sided...Or simply------It is time for you to quit !