Wednesday, 31 July 2013


Anu’s chatter....

Passing personal comments are a total no, no as far as I am concerned..... they should not be encouraged at all costs....

I have  a  close friend who  passes personal comments like---
You have  a huge upper body that does not match  the lower....... you have  a protruding need to work more at it!" "You have not lost  an inch , even after heavy workouts”----  ...and hundreds of other irritating”Need to work on your Hindi dear, it is not good like so and do not cook good food like, so and so..... you are lazy, you sleep too much in the afternoons, not like so and so, who is  busy running around in the house” When I pointed out to her that she was too personal in her comments, She  retaliated saying - "I need to be as I am a close friend!!!" 

I realized that not only  a friend, a parent can also pass derogatory comments making it painful for the child involved.

I find one mother of two in my locality perennially comparing her two kids. If that was not irritating enough, I found that she has the bad habit of passing comments on her five year old daughter in front of -"She is a show of !!?” To the kid----”Do you think, you are very over smart?.........  why do you act like a snob?..... why do you talk like that? .........Are you mad ,come here show of?........ what do you think  you are doing?” 

Close relatives, friends or for that matter  personal comments of parents can be irritating to start with,  derogatory and detrimental to a person's psyche.....for a long time to come...If you agree and have come across such instances in your own life ..... please ....share ...on this site!

Monday, 29 July 2013

Relationship Rules

Anu’s chatter....

Most people complain about relationship problems. Why some  work and some don’t?!!!! The truth is most  are not  aware  that - like all  things in life, relationships cannot be taken for granted...wether it is between parents and  children,....siblings or friends . Simply  because , relationships are the most special;  fragile entities , governed by certain universal rules.....When two  individuals  get into a relationship, they have inadvertently  decided  on a pact..... that needs to be as  alive  and breathing like the people themselves! Having said that a  major question I end up asking and answering often ...... is, why irrespective of  the hard work, sometimes a relationship fails... . After walking this earth for almost four decades , living in a marriage as long as I can remember, rearing children, making it work with friends and relatives on a day to day basis, life has taught me valuable lessons.....about  people and to look for gaps  ......... ( Like reading between the lines for hidden meanings ) and darlings .... unconditional love does not always work even with the closest  and one needs to be brutally  practical at times! Over the years, I have developed , my own  rules to judge a  RELATIONSHIP by...... THEY ARE-------

Communication.........It  is 'the basis' to a great relationship.Now for the gaps-  Are you able to communicate properly?...... are you able to get that kind of emotional respite or response .... or it ends in fights and misunderstandings? Are you able to unburden  yourself  with a person?  If the above is not happening....the relationship is either not right for you ....or it could be one sided ........besides too much or too little  communication can also create  a rift  between people.
Understanding ---A fair amount of understanding is essential for a good relationship. The Gap------Empathy and ability to put yourself in other persons position and vice- versa is 'the soul'  to a relationship to thrive on.
Reciprocation.....Most of the married couples feel that their partners fall short in reciprocating their feelings. The result is , they end up feeling unloved.The Gap-----If a parner feels that he/she is constanly giving more-emotionally, physically or intellectually  ..without being recognized by the other...then surely, the marriage is heading towards murky waters ........... selfishness can break the best of hearts!
 Belief----- the most important parameter to a relationship  is,  belief....The Gap---- lack of belief  in the person involved and the ability to dream along .......takes one to a long lasting relationship.

 Time...spent  together  is the time gained together.The Gap----- Familiarity can breed contempt ..... but if quality time not  spent with a friend, relative or  a partner can ruin an otherwise  enriching relationship.
 Lack of judgement....A good relation is the one that lacks judgement! The Gap----An observation is clearly different from a judgement! An observation is positive while a judgement is negative!
Happiness........ is one of the most important parameters to a good..relationship. It is  about feeling happy, fulfilled...or  complete....... The Gap----If  a relationship is draining your happiness , sapping your energy  and making you miserable is possible that it lacks some of the above discussed or  it is one sided...Or  simply------It is  time for you to quit !