Heaven

Anu’s chatter....

I simply Love heaven...

That’s the Dog in BIg Boss house -----season 7...its adorable....I am a big fan of Heaven...its a beautiful Golden retriever ..(I had written a blog on the pet prototypes and mine was labrador or a golden retriever..?) I love heaven..it is so golden, furry , large  and always smiling.  It loves people, is sociable, always barges into some discussions and puts its nose everywhere as if to give its opinions.... it seems to know what is going on...with everyone around!It actively participates in the activities of the house ...... it hardly barks...it speaks through its eyes.

Yesterday ..heaven was given a task...... to be a witness to each contestants unburdening!.. As the contestants were  speaking to it in seclusion.....it was just so adorably quite, listening with its huge tongue out or just moving its head just sitting on his hinges....When Kamya cried heaven looked into her eyes, blinking sometimes nodding its cute head as if to say  “Don't cry sweetie,I know what you are going through!” God! Its adorable...After a while it just sat there closing its eyes quietly doing nothing. Maybe he was bored. The expression on its face said it all!It was so ,so very amusing for me that I was simply laughing.....Heaven made the task so adorable! As Humans we need to learn valuable lessons from it. What say?

Heaven is everywhere in the house ...accompanies the contestants into the storerooms, bathrooms,toilets ,and  when it’s not allowed in, it just slumps at the door , with its cute nose smelling the insides through the cracks in the door ...Like a true loyal friend! God it is so cute !I wait for instructions everyday  like ---- Heaven  ko Bachane ke liye-----Type karein HEA aur bhej dein 56882 par.

Anita Advani’s sad story......

Anu’s Chatter....

Today dear friends I came across the Interview of Ms Anita Advaniin Times. (she was the live in girl friend of yesteryears super star..Mr Rajesh Khanna...)She was also recently evicted from the Big Boss house.

 The reason why I am mentioning her  is I feel deeply sorry for this woman. She said she was living in with Mr khanna for the past 20 or so years before his death. Now she is as we all know ( and for those who do not) that she is fighting a legal battle with Mr Akshay kumar and Dimple Kapadia for Mr Khanna’s property.

Its popularly known that Mr khanna was very sick ,on heavy medication and had terrible mood swings in his last years that Mr Akshay kumar and Dimple took advantage of. Ms Advani was not allowed even anywhere near his body after his death. She was publicly humiliated to leave the truck carrying him for his last rites. This is needless to say is a very painful insult for the lady .She is living with it ‘day in and day out.’

All said and done I could not understand  why the lady was not intelligent to understand the superstars nature?  Mr Rajesh estranged ( FROM HIS FAMILY)Khanna gave a damn to his family when they were with him. If the sources are to be believed, he was extremely selfish and self centered in his hay days , that drove Dimple out of their marital home. He cared a damn about his young brides ( Dimpi was 15 years younger to him) needs. It is also clear from his will ,(he left everything to his daughters and not to his better half or this lady in question) that he had used them totally.

 In all the 20 odd years he lived in with Anita , the so called boyfriend did not bother to give this lady anything ( cash or Kind)? Could not she even once understand his selfish nature ?Or was she so blind and besotted  that she could not see what was happening to her?No one knows , why women try and behave like 'Devis' and worship men they fall for and cry later ? I had liked her in Big Boss. She did not cash on her story ( with Mr Khanna)either in the house for public sympathy. Anyways ,some people are just not born cunning....or is it true love...Nobody knows !

DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR OWN OBSERVATIONS? LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS....PLEASE!PLEASE!

Matters of the heart

Anu’s Chatter....

Matters of the heart

In the healthy heart month ...... I am inspired to share some facts about this beautiful organ ----

Apart from occupying the most profound space in our body( being in the centre of it)this little organ  occupies the centre of our emotions, feelings , the very energy reason for our existence ,the  nucleus of human relations and of Love! If I ponder, there are a hundred other  smaller things like our little heart , in this universe , that  perform  biggest  of tasks.

For Example----

A banyan,tree that gives shade to thousands, has  the smallest of fruits .Obviously nature has seen to it that , whoever respites for shade under it , is saved of accidents.

A small creeper can dish out huge pumpkins that we relish so much.(By the way pumpkins are one of the heart friendly vegetables!) and nobody sleeps under the creeper so we are saved! 

On the other hand a huge elephant is thankfully a harmless vegetarian. Thank God!

If we sum up nature ,we will undoubtedly find hundreds of such examples,teaching us life lessons with paradoxical  existence.But we forget them , either because we do not have time or think of them as less significant and small. But dear friends, if the little heart is forgotten, we wont be alive to enjoy these very  small pleasures!

 Comming back to the heart of the topic, you will be surprised that the organ that is capable of churning the softest of the  feelings is the hardest-working muscle  of our body . ‘The Heart’ pumps out 2 ounces of blood at every heartbeat, adding up to at least 2,500 gallons daily. The heart has the ability to beat over 3 billion times in a person's life.

Thats why-in the month of the heart I wanted to give a small tribute to it by sharing my heart healthy secrets, with my readers. A few years back,I made these small changes and I am sure they will work for your heart’s health  too .

My Baby Small Steps --

1. Exercise---A basic exercise like brisk walking for ten to twenty minutes to begin with daily, makes blood rush into different parts of our bodies, spurting the pumping skills of the  heart a little more and removing the blockages if any. The simple reason is ---we were used to playing a lot as children and in its absence; we need to make space for some other activity in our adulthood! Besides exercise releases feel good hormones ! Feel good hormones in return , create a ‘Feel good healthy heart!’An old lady in my neighborhood was diagnosed with a severe heart condition, she went through a bypass. Considering her age, doctors gave her six months.She is 75 now and kicking. I asked this grandmother the secret to health.She said--’Happiness!’ The bottom line was, she started with Yoga after the operation , starting with very simple breathing exercises then progressing to other postures and  there was no looking back!Today she teaches Yoga and is an  inspiration for many!
2. Sleep-- stress free life and more sleep can make this little pumping muscle stronger because we all know that our heart never stops working! The cardinal rule of going to bed early and waking up early can also work but given the modern lifestyle or work pressures,  if you are  a late sleeper and do not hit sleep fast, you could try  meditation .  I learnt creative visualization from a friend who teaches meditation in her sunday counseling sessions at a local church . When  worry bogs me down at bed time,I meditate with my head on the pillow! It works like anesthesia for me !
3.    Eat healthy-- Very little changes in your eating habits like----consuming low cholesterol foods, or fried foods , less of sweets and  more of heart friendly  nuts , fruits , fibre, greens  can improve heart health  in less than a year.A teenager in my neighborhood suffering from obesity was prescribed with the above.(As she had kidney and lever problems because of weight,the doctor asked her to make a few  amends in her lifestyle or they could  creep to her heart. It is also a wrong notion that only elderly suffer from a ailing heart) After an year, after loosing  35 kgs this teenager went on to win the college beauty pageants. The truth is loosing huge amounts of weight needed very small changes in her eating habits. She cut short on a few dairy products and incorporated greens , fruits and nuts in place of road side fast foods she so much cherished earlier.She is  now an inspiration for the other youngsters around.

SO LET US PLEDGE TO KEEPING  A HEALTHY HEART BY  WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT THAT WAY?

PS--Did you make any small lifestyle changes that changed the way you look or feel? Share here!

IN THE WAKE OF RAPES IN OUR COUNTRY..........

Anu’s Chatter.....

I did not for sometime want to focus on crime and that was also the reason why, I did not write about it or..... avoid reading the first few pages of MUMBAI MIRROR.... that is  dedicated to crimes happening in and around Mumbai .......... dear friends as my attention caught the headline a couple of days back in-spite of myself, on the very first page of the same paper....  I am bound to react!  I needed to speak . I am doing the only way that I can best do----- Write! ...........The four accused in the Delhi Gruesome December Rape Case were awarded the capital punishment  and the fifth with a three years of imprisonment. ( because he is  a minor)....there were hundreds of responses to the capital punishment and the most shocking one is being of the  writer columnist Shobhaa De’s.....who spared no words in calling the legal system and people of our country ballistic...(because  she is totally against the capital punishment) . According to her  we Indians are turning into barbarians.. .......and   it will  not be  long before we will even come to stoning  people to death in the streets once their crime is established............in the same breath she went on to reveal .... about the pressure on the Judge  Mr Khanna , that might have forced him to pronounce such an extreme verdict...Honestly .....that was her personal view ..........but given the name and the front page coverage for the opinion expressed by a  famous writer like her ......... common people  will  bound to  take it seriously  .................I honestly, feel that the self obsessed celebrities  like Ms De should reserve   their opinions  to themselves instead of cashing in on every opportunity to write  on glaring  incidents happening  in our society  to just hog the limelight.........Having said that ....personally I feel , this verdict was a God sent  to women.  More  of the kind, should be handed out to the criminals in rape and Murder cases against women;  to instill fear and needless to say, to make our country a safer and a better place for the fairer sex!

SOME SAFETY MEASURES FOR WOMEN IN MUMBAI......I Know that most of the advises might  sound normal , but I take it on me to repeat ....at the cost of sounding cliche......

• Please make it  a point, not to travel in the local trains after late hours ...if you must, change over to a compartment that is crowded( At least having some women in it)...  Note - Being powerful, bold or liberated does not mean inviting trouble.....

• Please carry a fully charged mobile at all times...my practice is to carry a charger to work .....if I need to work late....please do the same...

• Follow the principal of ----no man is a saint....( that works for me)..please abstain from traveling alone or venturing out alone with a male colleague  or  a friend to deserted places or lonely offices on projects at late hours...if you need to ------please inform the concerned boss or higher ups and be in touch with one or two of your friends and family members....this should be true for women who take company vehicles to work and back....in the night....

• If at all you need to work late or travel late, carry a pepper spray....( I have not so far bought one but am in the process and most women should )...in the wake of crime increasing in Mumbai.

• The most important rule is----- you need not prove anything to anyone....I tell myself all the time that I need not prove how smart I am , how great I am or how liberated I am to strangers.........basically lie low, think quick and act with presence of mind in  sticky circumstances.Follow the cardinal principal of what you might preach your kids....Don't talk to strangers!

• This might sound 100% cliche and boring.....my personal  request to all women is to dress down.......all women must and should follow a basic international decency dressing code,while dressing for or while traveling in the public transports.I carry a change of clothes to the venue if I am partying or going out .

• Besides all this be pro-active help other women in trouble...... raise an alarm ,scream, shout .....run, call the police anything that can work at the time....

  I am reminded of an incident once recounted by a friend...in an overcrowded Mumbai local .... she witnessed a man touching ...a woman standing in front of him ....unethically.....either the woman was blind or she was too engrossed  balancing the baby on her shoulder that she did not pay attention....  My friend ( A liberated Mumbaite and a Modern Indian Woman by all standards) was angry and glared at the man .When it did not work she asked him if the woman standing in the front was his wife?He moved his head in negative .......after which, she started giving him  a  speech about morality . What happened next dear friends you can  only visualize...specially in an overcrowded public transport in Mumbai,  where people are frustrated and some are even looking for  entertainment to pass time.........THE MAN HAD TO BEAR THE BRUNT OF THE PUBLIC.....OF COURSE!

IF YOU CAN COME UP WITH ANY-OTHER SAFETY RULES FOR WOMEN YOU ARE MOST WELCOME TO SHARE WITH MY READERS.....You can also respond to this blog...by recounting your own experiences  on  eve-teasing and how you dealt with it...?

PERSONAL COMMENTS

Anu’s chatter....

Passing personal comments are a total no, no as far as I am concerned..... they should not be encouraged at all costs....

I have  a  close friend who  passes personal comments like---
“You have  a huge upper body that does not match  the lower....... you have  a protruding stomach....you need to work more at it!" "You have not lost  an inch , even after heavy workouts”----  ...and hundreds of other irritating comments...like---”Need to work on your Hindi dear, it is not good like so and so....you do not cook good food like, so and so..... you are lazy, you sleep too much in the afternoons, not like so and so, who is  busy running around in the house” When I pointed out to her that she was too personal in her comments, She  retaliated saying - "I need to be as I am a close friend!!!" 


I realized that not only  a friend, a parent can also pass derogatory comments making it painful for the child involved.

I find one mother of two in my locality perennially comparing her two kids. If that was not irritating enough, I found that she has the bad habit of passing comments on her five year old daughter in front of others.....like -"She is a show of !!?” To the kid----”Do you think, you are very over smart?.........  why do you act like a snob?..... why do you talk like that? .........Are you mad ,come here show of?........ what do you think  you are doing?” 

Close relatives, friends or for that matter  personal comments of parents can be irritating to start with,  derogatory and detrimental to a person's psyche.....for a long time to come...If you agree and have come across such instances in your own life ..... please ....share ...on this site!

Relationship Rules

Anu’s chatter....

Most people complain about relationship problems. Why some  work and some don’t?!!!! The truth is most  are not  aware  that - like all  things in life, relationships cannot be taken for granted...wether it is between parents and  children,....siblings or friends . Simply  because , relationships are the most special;  fragile entities , governed by certain universal rules.....When two  individuals  get into a relationship, they have inadvertently  decided  on a pact..... that needs to be as  alive  and breathing like the people themselves! Having said that a  major question I end up asking and answering often ...... is, why irrespective of  the hard work, sometimes a relationship fails... . After walking this earth for almost four decades , living in a marriage as long as I can remember, rearing children, making it work with friends and relatives on a day to day basis, life has taught me valuable lessons.....about  people and to look for gaps  ......... ( Like reading between the lines for hidden meanings ) and darlings .... unconditional love does not always work even with the closest  and one needs to be brutally  practical at times! Over the years, I have developed , my own  rules to judge a  RELATIONSHIP by...... THEY ARE-------

Communication.........It  is 'the basis' to a great relationship.Now for the gaps-  Are you able to communicate properly?...... are you able to get that kind of emotional respite or response .... or it ends in fights and misunderstandings? Are you able to unburden  yourself  with a person?  If the above is not happening....the relationship is either not right for you ....or it could be one sided ........besides too much or too little  communication can also create  a rift  between people.
Understanding ---A fair amount of understanding is essential for a good relationship. The Gap------Empathy and ability to put yourself in other persons position and vice- versa is 'the soul'  to a relationship to thrive on.
Reciprocation.....Most of the married couples feel that their partners fall short in reciprocating their feelings. The result is , they end up feeling unloved.The Gap-----If a parner feels that he/she is constanly giving more-emotionally, physically or intellectually  ..without being recognized by the other...then surely, the marriage is heading towards murky waters ........... selfishness can break the best of hearts!
 Belief----- the most important parameter to a relationship  is,  belief....The Gap---- lack of belief  in the person involved and the ability to dream along .......takes one to a long lasting relationship.
 Time...spent  together  is the time gained together.The Gap----- Familiarity can breed contempt ..... but if quality time not  spent with a friend, relative or  a partner can ruin an otherwise  enriching relationship.
 Lack of judgement....A good relation is the one that lacks judgement! The Gap----An observation is clearly different from a judgement! An observation is positive while a judgement is negative!
Happiness........ is one of the most important parameters to a good..relationship. It is  about feeling happy, fulfilled...or  complete....... The Gap----If  a relationship is draining your happiness , sapping your energy  and making you miserable .....it is possible that it lacks some of the above discussed or  it is one sided...Or  simply------It is  time for you to quit ! 

Sexual Favors For work...

Anu's Chatter...

The other afternoon I went to my old neighborhood......met my tailor friend who used to stitch most of my family clothes.....in 2002!
 I was extremely happy about meeting an old acquaintance...and we got to talking....We discussed lives and he was elated over the fact that I had become a full time writer....Over a cup of steaming coffee while watching the pelting rain  in his small store we gossiped to glory....

 After a while ....he  busied himself cutting the designed cloth  while  giving news .He shared that his elder daughter was studying to become a media professional and  he was planning to bring in the much creative second  one into the fashion business...

Anees( My friend) my all time favorite 'Tailor Master' was apprehensive about the big bad world of Bollywood and advertising media his daughter was ready to step in.... The conversation steered to casting couch and the likes....I just moved my head...
"There is no such thing I said .Yes! if one aspired to be an  actress then I cannot tell."
He disagreed..to my trepidation....
 "No ma'm the places my daughter had been seeking jobs they asked  for it. Now in-fact it is  very open.  The big bosses ask for sexual favours in return for a job!"

I said..."I am at least not knowledgable about such stuff."I took leave promising him some good contacts for his daughter and a Job!

After the conversation I spoke to a few people and came off shocked that in-fact such favors were being asked  in very big organizations!

At school I had written  essays Like- 'India Of my Dreams' and 'Women  Prime- Ministers of our country!' Now I am sad to say that  I am writing about sex in the work place!

The bottom line is I feel sorry for the plight of  working women  in our country now? Talk about sex trafficking!!!?

Councelling.........

Anu's Chatter....

I get  a lot of requests for counseling from parents  for youngsters....most of the time  I comply, if  it is not a  clinical case ! .....Recently a friend of my friend called me....

She was crying over  the phone and  talking about her teenaged son who had lately become suicidal....I met the young fellow over a cup of coffee in CCD one evening! ....He looked  a little pensive but opened up at length...

It was a girl in his building......he had fallen for...she  had ditched him for another guy....

He opened out his heart to me about how much he loved this girl and he could not see her with someone else...this boy Raghav( whom I counseled ) was in his twelth standard with a a budding mustarche.....

I did my best ......by telling him that suicide was not the solution to any problem in this world! I worked around the point that- he should be man enough to face the problem squarely  than to run away from it or  to run away from this world too soon. He looked much lifted at the end of our one hour long conversation  ! He even called me up in the night to thank me ! I see Raghav in a  much good shape nowadays and he started to smile too!

On my part I feel quite elated that I could evade an unfortunate event   in the city of Mumbai. (By the way Suicide seems to be a fashion here) .! 
Such incidents dear friends make my life worth living.....

Jiah khan's news is a shocker......

Anu's Chatter........

Dears I am back in India after a long vacation and what do I read the very next day in the newspapers?

Autopsy reports of Jiah Khan Bla Bla say this...I was so shocked I was wondering if this girl had done something stupid and yes she had..she was another frustrated star who committed suicide for her boyfriend...

Today's Mumbai mirror's cover story was - Why successful actresses commit suicide for LOVE!Is it the anger, fear , frustration, or simply ego for getting rejected?No one knows what happens to those who take such a stupid drastic step.... GUYS....a long six page letter was found after three days in her room expressing pain about the abusive relation, her abortion, gory details of her affair  with Suraj Pancholi..today the reports say three letters were found with the guy himself...her Mom says she had marks on her face after they found her hanging in her bedroom...now the latest is Salman Khan was behind the breakup! This is the newest twist in the tale guys.The surprises are not stopping at all! The truth remains that nothing can bring back Jiah to US! 

 This is the second suicide that I am talking about in my blogs. The first one was about the owner of Raj tours and travels last year who died  jumping from the Bandra Sea link .....now  Jiah. Both these people were successful individuals  in their own right ......

 After this shocking news percolated one consistent thought in my mind is   who is the sufferer in all this? Is it the partner , the dwindling business, Career or the family for which these people have given their lives? Is not it like suicide is punishing yourself ?  If Jiah would have lived she would have got married to maybe a great guy , seared a wonderful family ,did many movies for years, might have worked for the society in her old age ...she could have been a role model for so many like her colleagues.... at  a later age...who knows? But she was too impatient ....people will remember her only as a Jiah who went too soon. The one who committed suicide . Public memory is short ....after a while she will be forgotten! I had liked her in 'Ghajani' so much that  I had became her fan of sorts....sadly now I  can only wish her all the best wherever she is and R.I.P.

Sex and Work By Devaki Jain

Anu's Chatter......

The concern of those who are living in the less developed continents of the world such as Africa and South Asia is that what drives women and children into offering sex as a means of earning a livelihood is not personal choice but either poverty or extreme violence at home.

These were the lines that goaded me to read the entire article in a go!

When I read this moving article in todays Times  Middle Page friends, I  wanted  to know more about this person called as Devaki Jain  and women trafficking...!  I googled  and  found  that this woman was a feminist and a social worker .... ....The study  reveals the shameful facts about  the  Trafficking  of a Girl child  and Women in India  and world over. 

 According to Devaki's Studies.....

A 2003/2004 report on trafficking in women and children prepared by the Institute of Social Sciences in collaboration with the National Human Rights Commission and the UNIFEM interviewed 4,006 persons involved in trafficking. The study presents the following findings under the rubric Commercial Sexual Exploitation (CSE)

5 Valerie Kozel, and Barbara Parker 'A Profile and Diagnostic of the Poverty in Uttar Pradesh', World Bank,2001,. Paper presented at a Poverty Monitoring and Evaluation Workshop in New Delhi, hosted by the Government's Planning Commission and the World Bank, 11 January, 2002

68 percent of the victims were lured by promises of jobs and 16.8 percent by promises of marriage and 70 percent of the victims were from deprived sections of society.

- 198 brothels had 615 girls who were 17-18 years of age, 82 brothels had 245 girls who were less than 16 years of age and the highest demand is for virgins.

- At the time of interviews, 860 children were being exploited in the brothels.

Children make the most money for their exploiters in this profitable business. 44.3 percent of those in brothels started their life there when they were less than 18 years, 22.9 percent when less than 16 years, and 60.6 percent were married as children!

Here is another way of looking at Amartya Sen's "missing women": An average of 22,480 women and 44,476 children are reported missing in India every year, out of which 5,452 women and 11,008 children continue to remain untraced. It is suggested that these are the people who are trafficked, as they are sucked into untraceable brothels.

The 2004 UN "World Survey on the Role of Women in Development" says:

"The number of international migrants has risen to about 175 million in 2000, or 2.9 per cent of the world's population, from about 75 million, or 2.5 per cent of the world's population, in 1960. The proportion of women migrants during the same period rose to 49 per cent, from 46.6 per cent. . . . Women may believe that they have legitimate jobs in the new country, only to find that they have been trapped into prostitution, sweatshop work or what are considered other contemporary forms of slavery. The survey notes that "the trafficking of people for prostitution and forced labour is one of the fastest-growing areas of international criminal activity and one that is of increasing concern to the international community."6

Like the practice of aborting female foetuses, trafficking in women cuts across caste and religion, as surveys of sex workers show, for example in Sona Gachi in Kolkota.