Relationship Rules

Anu’s chatter....

Most people complain about relationship problems. Why some  work and some don’t?!!!! The truth is most  are not  aware  that - like all  things in life, relationships cannot be taken for granted...wether it is between parents and  children,....siblings or friends . Simply  because , relationships are the most special;  fragile entities , governed by certain universal rules.....When two  individuals  get into a relationship, they have inadvertently  decided  on a pact..... that needs to be as  alive  and breathing like the people themselves! Having said that a  major question I end up asking and answering often ...... is, why irrespective of  the hard work, sometimes a relationship fails... . After walking this earth for almost four decades , living in a marriage as long as I can remember, rearing children, making it work with friends and relatives on a day to day basis, life has taught me valuable lessons.....about  people and to look for gaps  ......... ( Like reading between the lines for hidden meanings ) and darlings .... unconditional love does not always work even with the closest  and one needs to be brutally  practical at times! Over the years, I have developed , my own  rules to judge a  RELATIONSHIP by...... THEY ARE-------

Communication.........It  is 'the basis' to a great relationship.Now for the gaps-  Are you able to communicate properly?...... are you able to get that kind of emotional respite or response .... or it ends in fights and misunderstandings? Are you able to unburden  yourself  with a person?  If the above is not happening....the relationship is either not right for you ....or it could be one sided ........besides too much or too little  communication can also create  a rift  between people.
Understanding ---A fair amount of understanding is essential for a good relationship. The Gap------Empathy and ability to put yourself in other persons position and vice- versa is 'the soul'  to a relationship to thrive on.
Reciprocation.....Most of the married couples feel that their partners fall short in reciprocating their feelings. The result is , they end up feeling unloved.The Gap-----If a parner feels that he/she is constanly giving more-emotionally, physically or intellectually  ..without being recognized by the other...then surely, the marriage is heading towards murky waters ........... selfishness can break the best of hearts!
 Belief----- the most important parameter to a relationship  is,  belief....The Gap---- lack of belief  in the person involved and the ability to dream along .......takes one to a long lasting relationship.
 Time...spent  together  is the time gained together.The Gap----- Familiarity can breed contempt ..... but if quality time not  spent with a friend, relative or  a partner can ruin an otherwise  enriching relationship.
 Lack of judgement....A good relation is the one that lacks judgement! The Gap----An observation is clearly different from a judgement! An observation is positive while a judgement is negative!
Happiness........ is one of the most important parameters to a good..relationship. It is  about feeling happy, fulfilled...or  complete....... The Gap----If  a relationship is draining your happiness , sapping your energy  and making you miserable .....it is possible that it lacks some of the above discussed or  it is one sided...Or  simply------It is  time for you to quit ! 

Sexual Favors For work...

Anu's Chatter...

The other afternoon I went to my old neighborhood......met my tailor friend who used to stitch most of my family clothes.....in 2002!
 I was extremely happy about meeting an old acquaintance...and we got to talking....We discussed lives and he was elated over the fact that I had become a full time writer....Over a cup of steaming coffee while watching the pelting rain  in his small store we gossiped to glory....

 After a while ....he  busied himself cutting the designed cloth  while  giving news .He shared that his elder daughter was studying to become a media professional and  he was planning to bring in the much creative second  one into the fashion business...

Anees( My friend) my all time favorite 'Tailor Master' was apprehensive about the big bad world of Bollywood and advertising media his daughter was ready to step in.... The conversation steered to casting couch and the likes....I just moved my head...
"There is no such thing I said .Yes! if one aspired to be an  actress then I cannot tell."
He disagreed..to my trepidation....
 "No ma'm the places my daughter had been seeking jobs they asked  for it. Now in-fact it is  very open.  The big bosses ask for sexual favours in return for a job!"

I said..."I am at least not knowledgable about such stuff."I took leave promising him some good contacts for his daughter and a Job!

After the conversation I spoke to a few people and came off shocked that in-fact such favors were being asked  in very big organizations!

At school I had written  essays Like- 'India Of my Dreams' and 'Women  Prime- Ministers of our country!' Now I am sad to say that  I am writing about sex in the work place!

The bottom line is I feel sorry for the plight of  working women  in our country now? Talk about sex trafficking!!!?

Councelling.........

Anu's Chatter....

I get  a lot of requests for counseling from parents  for youngsters....most of the time  I comply, if  it is not a  clinical case ! .....Recently a friend of my friend called me....

She was crying over  the phone and  talking about her teenaged son who had lately become suicidal....I met the young fellow over a cup of coffee in CCD one evening! ....He looked  a little pensive but opened up at length...

It was a girl in his building......he had fallen for...she  had ditched him for another guy....

He opened out his heart to me about how much he loved this girl and he could not see her with someone else...this boy Raghav( whom I counseled ) was in his twelth standard with a a budding mustarche.....

I did my best ......by telling him that suicide was not the solution to any problem in this world! I worked around the point that- he should be man enough to face the problem squarely  than to run away from it or  to run away from this world too soon. He looked much lifted at the end of our one hour long conversation  ! He even called me up in the night to thank me ! I see Raghav in a  much good shape nowadays and he started to smile too!

On my part I feel quite elated that I could evade an unfortunate event   in the city of Mumbai. (By the way Suicide seems to be a fashion here) .! 
Such incidents dear friends make my life worth living.....

Jiah khan's news is a shocker......

Anu's Chatter........

Dears I am back in India after a long vacation and what do I read the very next day in the newspapers?

Autopsy reports of Jiah Khan Bla Bla say this...I was so shocked I was wondering if this girl had done something stupid and yes she had..she was another frustrated star who committed suicide for her boyfriend...

Today's Mumbai mirror's cover story was - Why successful actresses commit suicide for LOVE!Is it the anger, fear , frustration, or simply ego for getting rejected?No one knows what happens to those who take such a stupid drastic step.... GUYS....a long six page letter was found after three days in her room expressing pain about the abusive relation, her abortion, gory details of her affair  with Suraj Pancholi..today the reports say three letters were found with the guy himself...her Mom says she had marks on her face after they found her hanging in her bedroom...now the latest is Salman Khan was behind the breakup! This is the newest twist in the tale guys.The surprises are not stopping at all! The truth remains that nothing can bring back Jiah to US! 

 This is the second suicide that I am talking about in my blogs. The first one was about the owner of Raj tours and travels last year who died  jumping from the Bandra Sea link .....now  Jiah. Both these people were successful individuals  in their own right ......

 After this shocking news percolated one consistent thought in my mind is   who is the sufferer in all this? Is it the partner , the dwindling business, Career or the family for which these people have given their lives? Is not it like suicide is punishing yourself ?  If Jiah would have lived she would have got married to maybe a great guy , seared a wonderful family ,did many movies for years, might have worked for the society in her old age ...she could have been a role model for so many like her colleagues.... at  a later age...who knows? But she was too impatient ....people will remember her only as a Jiah who went too soon. The one who committed suicide . Public memory is short ....after a while she will be forgotten! I had liked her in 'Ghajani' so much that  I had became her fan of sorts....sadly now I  can only wish her all the best wherever she is and R.I.P.

Sex and Work By Devaki Jain

Anu's Chatter......

The concern of those who are living in the less developed continents of the world such as Africa and South Asia is that what drives women and children into offering sex as a means of earning a livelihood is not personal choice but either poverty or extreme violence at home.

These were the lines that goaded me to read the entire article in a go!

When I read this moving article in todays Times  Middle Page friends, I  wanted  to know more about this person called as Devaki Jain  and women trafficking...!  I googled  and  found  that this woman was a feminist and a social worker .... ....The study  reveals the shameful facts about  the  Trafficking  of a Girl child  and Women in India  and world over. 

 According to Devaki's Studies.....

A 2003/2004 report on trafficking in women and children prepared by the Institute of Social Sciences in collaboration with the National Human Rights Commission and the UNIFEM interviewed 4,006 persons involved in trafficking. The study presents the following findings under the rubric Commercial Sexual Exploitation (CSE)

5 Valerie Kozel, and Barbara Parker 'A Profile and Diagnostic of the Poverty in Uttar Pradesh', World Bank,2001,. Paper presented at a Poverty Monitoring and Evaluation Workshop in New Delhi, hosted by the Government's Planning Commission and the World Bank, 11 January, 2002

68 percent of the victims were lured by promises of jobs and 16.8 percent by promises of marriage and 70 percent of the victims were from deprived sections of society.

- 198 brothels had 615 girls who were 17-18 years of age, 82 brothels had 245 girls who were less than 16 years of age and the highest demand is for virgins.

- At the time of interviews, 860 children were being exploited in the brothels.

Children make the most money for their exploiters in this profitable business. 44.3 percent of those in brothels started their life there when they were less than 18 years, 22.9 percent when less than 16 years, and 60.6 percent were married as children!

Here is another way of looking at Amartya Sen's "missing women": An average of 22,480 women and 44,476 children are reported missing in India every year, out of which 5,452 women and 11,008 children continue to remain untraced. It is suggested that these are the people who are trafficked, as they are sucked into untraceable brothels.

The 2004 UN "World Survey on the Role of Women in Development" says:

"The number of international migrants has risen to about 175 million in 2000, or 2.9 per cent of the world's population, from about 75 million, or 2.5 per cent of the world's population, in 1960. The proportion of women migrants during the same period rose to 49 per cent, from 46.6 per cent. . . . Women may believe that they have legitimate jobs in the new country, only to find that they have been trapped into prostitution, sweatshop work or what are considered other contemporary forms of slavery. The survey notes that "the trafficking of people for prostitution and forced labour is one of the fastest-growing areas of international criminal activity and one that is of increasing concern to the international community."6

Like the practice of aborting female foetuses, trafficking in women cuts across caste and religion, as surveys of sex workers show, for example in Sona Gachi in Kolkota.

‘Dabangg’ for the Remakes

Anu’s Chatter....

‘Dabangg  Salman Khan,’ the man with a bigger heart than his biceps, has been known to launch young talents in the Bollywood industry. After launching Sonakshi Sinha in his movie Dabangg, the latest news is that Salman Khan will launch Aditya Panscholi's son Sooraj and Suniel Shetty's daughter Athiya soon. According to a leading daily, Sooraj and Athiya might debut in the official remake of Subhash Ghai's 1983 blockbuster Hero, that featured Jackie Shroff and Meenakshi Sheshadri in the leads. Me thinks I think people in Bollywood are bereft of scrips now . The big producers are remaking the old films . If I  look  at the  remake of Aneepath  only for one song we all know it is ‘Chikni Chameli’ that brought the audience to the theatres. At least I went to watch that song. Besides that I could not make head and tail of that movie dears.. Yes of course for a Sanjay Dutt's Kancha role ( whoever) and  the child prostitution racket run by Rishi kapoor Errr ( Which is GORY by the very word)he is called as ...err(I have forgotten his name in the movie) I do not remember anything!.....Apart from  Don in my opinion non of the remakes have done well . lets face it , who wants to go to the same movies with different faces..what say? 

Sanju Baba finally goes to Jail..

 Sanjay Dutt, who is facing three-and-a-half years in prison has finally  said that he was ready to go to jail and did yesterday.

Responding to a nationwide debate in India on whether he should be pardoned by the state after being sentenced by the supreme court, Dutt told journalists at his home on Thursday: "There are many other people who deserve pardon. I just want to say with folded hands that when I'm not going for a pardon then there's no debate about it." These words speak volumes!   Having said this ,I am feeling a little low that Sanju will not be seen by us for a period of three and a half years which is long .For  a person who entertained us with amazing performances..through the years...it will be wrong to say that any other actor could have portrayed the roles he did with so much  conviction . For example a Munna bhai is a Munna Bhai . I cannot even for a second visualize any other actor in Sanju's place! 

All said and done guy's I really respect our Sanju Baba .  In the true sense he has proved to be a reel and a real life Hero. His fans will always respect him for his decisions!  Over the years I have seen him change from an aggressive youngman to a simple down to earth responsible actor and a citizen!  Besides I am happy that our Sanju baba will be a free man after three years and he can lead the kind of life he wants with his family and friends. We will all miss you and love you! 

Bollywood's Original Dhak Dhak Girl does an Item number

Anu's Chatter......

I am back again guys with the latest news...I was at the  poster release of Madhuri Dixit's item number in the Ranbir Kapoor- Deepika Padukone starrer Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani . the yesteryears Diva Darlings has come back as an item number .  The diva is in no mood to reveal her look in the song.

The poster was  released by  T- Series, and the song was uploaded on their official YouTube channel . The posters have Dhak Dhak girl turning her back to the audience..., The number titled Ghagra promises to be a desi number in tune with what has been working at the box- office lately.

In the picture, Madhuri dons a ghagra with shiny shades of orange and pink, teaming it up with a black tasseled choli . However, she is expected to have multiple change of costumes in the song.

 I have an observation darlings here - the back in the poster is not the kind of back that we were expecting if you see the poster then you will know....I mean to say it is not that back less blouse that the Item Girls like Mallika sherawat  or for that matter kareena wore in their songs ! It is all very closed..

 I wonder why the Dhak Dhak girl of the 80’s and 90’s wants to come back with  a closed back...A very good reason darlings is Madhuri is married now and she cannot show us what she used to....Then, why these women don't  take a sabbatical? Anyways what we get to see in  a young girl we cannot in a 45 year old mother of two... Yawn Yawn ...What a boring Item number sorry Dhak Dhak....number. See you till the next!

RANBIR KATRINA CAUGHT RED HANDED

RANBIR KATRINA CAUGHT RED HANDED

One chapter in Kat's life closed and the other opened dears it is now the Chapter of on and off relation of Kat and Kapoor boy .  The other day the actors, were spotted  red-handed again by cameraman while they were busy enjoying the car ride.

In a mood to show off his brand new white Mercedes Benz, G class SUV, Ranbir took Katrina for a long drive which ended up being a near disaster.
The recent reports suggest that the couple apparently were so caught up in conversation while driving that they didn't realize that they were in the vicinity of Imran Khans bunglow in Bandra and that very night Imran was hosting a party to celebrate Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak completing 25 years.
Once Ranbir realized that they might be caught on camera, he  panicked and speeded the car. In the rush he narrowly missed a collision.
its still a confusion for me dears wether this guy Ranbir Kapoor is dating Katrina or not!

Miracle!

Hey! When I talk 'bout' this dears I get goose bumps ! Believe you must!
 A couple of years back I was going through a personal crisis of the worst kind.. My life was in doldrums , I was in a mess and my world was crumbling apart! One  day as usual I took the daily bus to work.After sometime a girl in her twenties occupied a seat in front of me. I gave her a wide smile and she complimented me profusely on it! .We continued traveling and I dozed off. As I opened my eyes , after a while, I found  this girl reading a book by Sri Sri. I said.. "My smile is beautiful because we share  the same Guru"...in return ,she smiled  back and we started to talk . Out of  context  she told me a personal  story of miracle.
It was like-

"Two years back one of my friends was doing an advanced course with Sri Sri and on his  last day of the course I had asked him to convey a personal message to Guruji on meeting him, but he forgot.As he  sat on the floor repentant  he saw a pair of feet  next to him. It was non other than Sri Sri..he  simply patted my friend on his shoulder  and said 'Tell your friend , that I am taking care of her.'  My friend... could not just believe that Sri Sri had read his mind and conveyed a message about me!" 

Amidst other gossip...The girl  recounted how she had to chase the bus for a good half  hour, on a bike  with her cousin to take it ! How she was 'hell bent' on taking the same bus instead of the next!  I knew somehow in my heart that I will never  ever meet this girl  or  will be able to strike a chord  with her !But after this incident , I was able to overcome my personal crisis and life has come back to normal!

Moral of the story-Its a Miracle!? Any doubts?